Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
