sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
