he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is my gift to your gina
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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