I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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