I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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