He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
