I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
