is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
