I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
