She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
