I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
