the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
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