please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
