alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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