she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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