she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
