I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
