Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
