I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
