my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
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at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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