he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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