i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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