the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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