In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
