there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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