I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
