So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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