No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
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Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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