Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
