I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
