i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
