I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
