We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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