just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize