U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
