two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
