He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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