ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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