Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
