They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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