You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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