Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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