oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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