I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
