i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
