I cannot find my penis.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
