Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
