Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
