i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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