I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
