Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
