The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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