We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
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Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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