So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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