when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
