remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think my mom watched the whole time
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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