Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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