I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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