the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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