You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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