Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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