All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
