I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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