Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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