Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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