morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So much rum. So many feels.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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