I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
