At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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