Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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