I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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