worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
