i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
